Today Is Mother’s Day and all over the world, mothers are celebrated. But let’s be honest: if you have ever thought, "I love my kids, but most days I feel like I am just making it up as I go", you are far from alone.

I hear it from high-performing women more often than you would expect, especially those who have built entire careers on competence and control. Then motherhood comes along. And suddenly, that familiar confidence feels... wobbly.

This is the voice of Imposter Syndrome, and yes, it thrives in the world of parenting.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

It is not a clinical diagnosis. It is a psychological experience that affects up to 70% of people at some point. For mothers, especially high-achieving ones, this can show up as:

• "Everyone else seems to know what they are doing. I am winging it."
• "Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mum."
• "Sooner or later, someone is going to realise I am not good at this."

Despite your evidence to the contrary, such as your care, your presence, and your strenghth, there is a background hum of "not enoughness." And it can be relentless.

Why is motherhood such fertile ground for self-doubt?

Motherhood is not just a role, it is an identity shift. And identity shifts challenge us on every level.

According to Dr Dan Siegel and Mary Hartzell in Parenting from the Inside Out, becoming a parent can resurface unresolved emotional material from our own childhoods. That means your toddler’s meltdown might not only be frustrating, it might also echo something buried deep in your past. Something like: "I am not good enough" or "I do not know how to do this safely."

When these old wounds get triggered, we can slip into what Siegel calls the "low road", where we lose perspective, get hijacked by big emotions, and spiral into shame or panic. It is often in these moments that the imposter voice gets loudest.

Motherhood also lacks structure. There is no job description, no KPIs. And unlike many careers, children do not give consistent feedback,  at least not the kind we would like them to give.

Throw in curated social media images of perfect families and the cultural pressure to "cherish every moment," and the stage is set for chronic self-doubt.

The Inner Critics: common Imposter Personas in mothers

Dr Valerie Young identified several "types" of Imposter Syndrome, many of which are familiar to mothers:

• The Perfectionist: Nothing is ever good enough. You judge yourself for the missed last-minute science project more than you celebrate the 47 things you did do.
• The Expert: You read all the books and still feel unprepared. Because what if you have missed THE book?
• The Natural Genius: You believe good mothers should instinctively know what to do. If it feels hard, you think you are doing it wrong.
• The Soloist: Asking for help feels like failure. If you were really competent, you would be able to do it all on your own.
• The Superwoman: You try to be everything, and to everyone, all the time. And you feel guilty the moment you are not.

These are not flaws. They are protective patterns. They arise because you care.

How the past shapes the present

Siegel and Hartzell suggest that when we begin to parent, our implicit memories, emotional experiences stored in the body, can override logic. If your ‘Inner Child’ felt unsafe, unseen, or not good enough, those feelings may surface unexpectedly as shame or panic in parenting moments.

It is not that you are doing it wrong. It is that your brain is trying to make sense of past pain in the present.

The hopeful news? We can change the story. This is not about blame. It is about awareness. Once we know where these feelings come from, we can stop reacting from old scripts and start responding with intention.

Practical ways to shift the narrative

You do not need a total overhaul. You need tools that support presence, reflection, and compassion.

1. Name It to Tame It

When you feel like a fraud, say it—out loud or on paper. “I am having the thought that I am failing as a mum.” That tiny bit of distance creates space for your wiser self to step in. Siegel calls this engaging the "high road", bringing online the parts of your brain that help with regulation and perspective.

2. Make Sense of Your Story

Reflect on moments from your own childhood. Which ones still sting? How might they be shaping your responses now? Creating a coherent narrative about your past, even just for yourself, helps integrate experience and reduce emotional hijacks.

Prompt: “When was a time as a child I felt invisible or not good enough? How might that show up in how I respond when my child ignores me?”

3. Repair Beats Perfection

Every parent will rupture. You will snap. You will get it wrong. What matters is how you repair.

"I am sorry I yelled. That was not fair. You did not deserve that. I love you." These moments build trust, and they teach your child emotional resilience.

4. Notice Your Triggers

That knot in your stomach when your baby will not sleep? The hot flush when another mum posts a perfectly decorated bento box? Pay attention. These are clues.

Use a gentle prompt: “What just happened inside me? Where have I felt this before?” Shame tends to repeat itself in patterns. Recognition is the first step to shifting them.

5. Mindful Pauses Build Confidence

The pause is where your power lives. When tension rises, try this:

• Stop.
• Take a slow breath.
• Drop your shoulders.
• Say, “This is hard, but I can handle it.”

That is not performative calm. That is nervous system regulation. And the more you practice, the stronger your high-road wiring becomes.

6. Let People In

It takes a village to raise a child but most of us are parenting in near isolation. The village has been replaced by solitary routines, screen time, and the pressure to hold everything together on our own. That is not how humans were built to thrive.

We were never meant to parent alone. Not emotionally, not practically. Whether it is a partner, friends, a coach, or a trusted circle of mums, find your people. Say the scary thing out loud. You may be surprised how much lighter it feels once it is shared.

Support is not a luxury. It is a need.

A practical model: CLEAR

If you need a tool to keep nearby, try the CLEAR model:

• Catch the thought
• Label the pattern ("Ah, there is the Perfectionist again…")
• Examine the evidence ("Am I really failing or just exhausted?")
• Anchor in support (a friend, a breath, a grounding statement)
• Reframe the narrative (“I am a mother finding my way, one moment at a time. That is strength.”)

Stick it on your fridge. Write it in your notes app. Use it when the wobbles come.

You are not a fraud. You are a mother.

Let us stop pretending that loving your kids fiercely makes you immune to doubt. Or that being a competent professional means motherhood should feel like second nature.

You are doing the most complex job there is, with no manual, minimal (positive) feedback, and a whole lot of emotional noise from your own childhood.

So when that voice whispers “You are not good enough”, Pause. Breathe. Choose the high road.

And remind yourself:

You are not supposed to be perfect. You are supposed to be present. That is more than enough.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you would like a printable version of the CLEAR model for your fridge or journal, you can download it here